Response to the Call

BeTtEr LaTe ThAn EvEr

2010-08-22T17:03:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been way too long since I last wrote. I have been at camp since June...really since the moment I got home and I have been non-stop till now. Who knew how crazy this summer was going to be. I felt constantly out of my comfort zone, even though Hume is my second home. I was faced with many new challenges and new struggles. But I am thankful for them because I was able to learn and grow through them. I do not ever want to be in a place where life becomes stagnant or where I become complacent. So I am glad I went up to Hume.

Now the campers are gone and I am extremely bored not knowing what to do with my time. I have to be creative and come up with some fun activities for the staff to do. Hopefully, my roommate from college will come up. Last week few friends from Hume and I went down to Pismo Beach and camped. We had fun playing with dogs, bonfires, eating non-Hume food, and just relaxing on the beach.

I may be heading back to Germany to volunteer for a little because they are short staffed. I am just waiting to see what He has planned...that is all I can do; wait and trust!

HaY fEvEr

2010-04-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hay Fever or not, no one can deny that Spring time in Germany is one of the best times of the year. Yes, I drove through a hail storm of pollen today, but I have finally gleaned the knowledge of what new life looks like in a nature perspective.

This weekend I took my seniors to Lake Geneva to stay at my friends house for a night. We ate good food, watched movies, walked around, slept, went to church. I really wish we had more time, but these last 7 weeks are so filled we could even hardly plan to have it. I just pray that these girls do not forget to take advantage of where they are nor stop pouring out into the underclassmen in the dorm.

BiG nEwS

2010-03-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

Lets start with asking for some prayer!! My missions team leaves in two days for Athens. Just yesterday did our contact give us any information about our trip. To our knowledge we are going to be doing a little sightseeing, but our main focus will be working at a refugee center called the Oasis in Athens. Oasis works with Afghanistan and Iranian refugees. Please be praying for camaraderie and cultural sensitivity. Pray for patience and flexibility. Following that I am taking two of my girls to some of the islands. Both these students are Korean and so they are unable to go home for the break. So I offered to take them around so they wouldn't have to find someone to crash with for one week. I am excited because they willing be moving to North America in the fall for college and I am excited to talk and use this time to pour into their lives. Well, here is the biggest news. I have decided to return to the states, meaning I am leaving Black Forest Academy. This has been a long drawn out process, but I cannot deny the peace the Lord has given me. Even though this decision is difficult and I will be leaving my AMAZING girls, but without a shadow of doubt I know this is His will. Here is my thought process: When I made my decision in October I felt good. Why would it be bad to leave Europe or my girls? But very quickly things were just not working out. I began to blame a lot of people here for my "unhappiness" and I began to rethink my decision in November. When we came back from Christmas Break I was ready for things to get better, but they didn't. They immediately got worse. I had to then recognize what was causing me to point my finger at people. I came to realize that I was bitter and frustrated. But at WHAT? Over the course of a month or so I came to recognize that I had made my decisions about staying based on fear and guilt. Fear that I was failing if I didn't stay for a third year. I like to go above and beyond what is expected of me, so if I didn't stay longer I was failing. And Guilt that I was letting my girls down; that I wasn't going to be there to protect them nor fight for them. Coming to those conclusions, truth was spoken to me and I realized that God does not meddle in guilt or fear. So, at the end of February I asked the Lord to reveal to me by a specific date where He was leading me and I would follow and that I needed a physical representation of that knowledge. On that date, a burden was lifted from my shoulders and a peace "that was beyond all understanding" was very present with me. It is still with me despite the heartache of telling my girls and so much unknown ahead. I am looking to pursue an intensive course in Spanish (possibly in Costa Rica) and then starting a website database for non-profits, service based organizations and ministries using photography to present their ministries. They Lord may change His direction, but for right now I am just taking it day by day and keeping my eyes on Him! I have learned that as we trust in Him we are filled with peace and joy (Romans 15:13)!! I am sorry that I didn't call you and explain this, but this was the best way I knew how to tell you. Thanks for everything. peace cara

SpRiNg Is In ThE aIr!!

2010-03-19T07:35:00.000-07:00

I just laid out in the sun for two hours. How much the weary days of winter dragged on. The spring sun is welcomed and thanked. I just thought you should all know how much the sun benefits all of humanity. Just like the Son of God!!! (I know that was cheesy)

But also please be praying for my missions team. We leave on Friday for Greece. There is a lot still not known but we are trying to get organized and on top of things. Also, be praying for me after. Two of my students can't go home so I am taking them around Greeec. Pray for protection and us to be street smart.

eMbRaCe

2010-03-15T03:10:00.000-07:00

I love moments that just envelope you and you wish you could never leave them. Within the past week and a half the Lord has just renewed my spirit and there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. It is as if, there was this dark, luminous cloud constantly hanging over my head and all of a sudden it has dissipated and the sun has returned. I am thankful for that. It is not healthy nor is it how the Lord desires us to live. Even amidst hardship, the Lord brings us joy and we should be joyful in recognizing His presence. "Rejoice in the Lord always', and again I say 'Rejoice.'"

On Friday night my fellow RA, Erin, and I were in the kitchen preparing brunch for the next morning. Of course this evening I was an innocent by-product of people's own playful behavior in the kitchen. (wink, wink). I was hiding behind one of our refrigerator doors, with butter and cream cheese in my arms. Erin stood about 5 yards away with a homemade frisbee (it was actually a tupperware container that is oversized and round). As I sat their trying to figure out the best escape route, Erin proclaims, "I am going to decapitate you!" I knew I had to flee my position or I would be a dead woman. So immediately did what any secret service agent would do, I dove from behind my first hiding place towards the next available shelter. I threw my body into the air, ducking down to just miss the flying orb, but within the process of ducking my head made contact with the metal counter in front of me (my depth perception was way off). It made huge sound; I collapsed on the floor in a fit of hysterical laughing. Let's just say, I gave up career ambition of entering the CIA.

ToO mUcH tO tElL...

2010-03-08T14:20:00.000-08:00

I have so much to say, but don't even know where to begin. I will just talk about our dorm's annual Famous Couples night. All the girls pick a famous couple and their friend picks the top three male counterparts. Then we, RAs, call the boys. Tonight was our night. The girls were in amazing outfits and so were the boys. We had Yoko Ono and John Lennon, Sleeping Beauty and Prince Phillip, Dory and Nemo, a Bee and a Beehive, Nacho Libre and Encarnacion...just to name a few. The students ate dinner, played Bingo, ate dessert and then they prepared introductions of their couple. Last year I felt like the room had a giant elephant in it, but this year it was just so easy. It was just not as awkward as last year.

One thing I did learn was how vital it is to have God at the center of everything, even little dorm events. He reminded me how much I had taken into my hands and didn't let Him in at all. It is so important to include Him in our planning and tasks because He is apart of our lives. Relying on my human efforts I made a few errors this evening, but He overcame my single-mindedness and allowed the evening to be a success. HE IS SO GOOD!!

TiMe ChAnGeS tHiNgS

2010-02-17T04:59:00.000-08:00

After everything that is going on we have already been thrown something new into our mix of life. We are receiving a new girl at the end of this month. It is the logical place to put her, but I am just praying for a smooth transition and a positive embrace from our girls.

LoNg BuT gOd

2010-02-15T07:20:00.000-08:00

I can't even begin to tell you how much God has been stretching me. There have been so many moments where I wanted to sit down and write about precious moments with my girls, tearful revelations, excruciating wounds, long lost memories, never ending days, ceaseless nights. But through the long haul the Lord's light breaks through. During the apex of all the most recent events I just felt darkness encircling around me. I was praying to see the light of God in all these situations. Amidst the unending gray sky, the sun finally broke through. It had been a long stretch without feeling the warmth of the sun. It was a reminder of how God is even there in the darkness. How we must cling to the hope we profess...when the waves crash more and more around us we must keep our eyes on Christ and how He will never release us from His grasp.

It DoEsN't StOp...

2010-01-29T06:24:00.001-08:00

I look out the window and it almost depresses me. What once was powdered covered fields and balconies are now being destroyed by the rain drops that melt it away. I feel like my life is in this constant cycle too. At one point it will look perfect and smooth and then all of a sudden something happens and my life turns into slush and life becomes mucky. But then it will clean up and go away, but we must go through those times too. Life isn't always a fresh snowfall, it is also the muddy melted snow patches on the side of the road.

SiMpLiCiTy...

2010-01-25T05:13:00.001-08:00

Life has never seemed to stop. As we have gotten older we tend to add more to our plate. We do not have enough hours in the day. And then we take on more, for whatever reason. It may be to make us feel important; it maybe be for us to feel needed; it may be for the satisfaction that something is getting done; it may be for the fear of being idle. But for whatever reason we all at some point have abandoned what we once knew as children and so easily have forgotten. Sitting in grass and looking at insects crawl amongst the blades; spinning on a tire swing till you are so close to vomiting, but you keep spinning anyways; accessorizing Barbies just to see what they look like; running around all afternoon, not caring about the sweat on your brow nor the plant in your hair. What happened to those days? Now my days are focused on my image, if I am loving people well, how I am being effective in people's lives, if I am following the will of God, if I am living a life that is honorable? Yes, some of these things are worth living for, but in the same instance God did call us to live with child-like faith. With openness and with out inhibitions is how children live...lets live our faith like that!

pRePaRaTiOn...

2010-01-21T07:04:00.000-08:00

If you have ever gone on a short term missions trip they always try to prepare you by warning you that you need to be flexible; you never know what is going to happen. Well, I guess life is like that anywhere, not just short term trips. I just feel like every day is a different adventure in this dorm. One minute we are grocery shopping, the next take emergency runs to the ER, then get a call saying a prospective student is coming over, next make this many cookies, next girls asking, "how do I clean this", next tucking girls in, then checking their homework...and at the end of the day you wonder where did it all go. After being here I don't know if I can really relax...I don't know if I won't be able to manage life without something constantly going on around me. Life moves at a lightening speed here. We complain so much about how semesters drag on, but really...you blink and they're gone.

SnOw

2009-12-19T06:58:00.000-08:00

It is a winter wonderland outside! I am sad it was not this last year when I was staying here for Christmas. Of course the year I am headed home it is snowing. But I am not downgrading the 75 degree weather I am headed for. I am excited to go embrace the warmth!

This semester I know the Lord has been teaching me a lot of patience and how to show constant compassion. Those were two things I feel like I struggle with and I know the Lord has been stretching me in. There is still a lot to learn, but I know that I am not who I used to be either.

Well, California here I come!!!

SwAp

2009-12-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

Tonight was an adventure. We decided last week to have a dorm swap. Or actually all the RAs swapped dorms. We drew out of a hat and wound up at different dorms. I went to another girl dorm...Palm. I had a lot of fun. I mean I missed my Witt Chicks, but it definitely broke up the monotony. We played games, voted on fashion, ate dinner, and made baked oatmeal. I enjoyed watching how a different dorm operates as well as meet new students that I didn't know before. On behalf of all the BFA RAs I would say it was a successful surprise to everyone!

Fun Filled Football Fashion Fiasco

2009-12-07T05:58:00.000-08:00

That is a mouth full and I am a little delayed about writing about this particular experience, but we had our Christmas banquet two weekends ago. All the girls looked beautiful. I just have a stunning dorm. 30-minutes before we left one of my girls came up to me and asked if I had any extra dresses because her dress didn't fit...so I told her to go and grab the one that was on my chair and get Laura to fix it. It turned out miraculously. Also, two of our girls were honored by the student body to be on the Christmas Banquet court. It was so exciting. Several of my friends and I went to a restaurant in town and ordered food to go. While we waited we made popcorn at our friend's house to take with us to the banquet. We brought our food to the school and watched all the performances of the students in the balcony.

The next day was our Powder Puff football game against one of the other girls dorm, Palm. I think it definitely brought our dorm together. It was funny...because many of our girls did not know how to play. Very few had actually gone to the practices I had with the girls. So when they went to play they asked...so what do I do, what is the point of this. One of our most confused girls was our best players. Too bad I couldn't play, but I was a great cheerleader from the sidelines (I have had years of practice...just a little).

Laughter is the BEST Medicine!

2009-11-27T06:17:00.001-08:00

This old adage is so True! From time to time we see how this statement comes to life and last night was no exception.
Erin (my co-RA) and I were preparing the hot lunch for today actually. We were making a vegetable, ham soup. We had gone through the first step of instructions and then were on to adding the ham to the vegetables that were alredy stewing. Too bad that German ham bone is not pre-prepared like in the states, nor is it actually at all appealing. Erin and I called our dorm mom and she told us to just place it in the stew and let it cook. After about an hour of the meat simmering in the pot and the vegetables deteriorating into mush, we attempted to pull out the precarious piece of meat. I grabbed a knife to help add leverage to retrieve the victim. As soon as I punctured the skin of the ham (aka pork) blood came spewing out into the soup. I must have penetrated some artery. From my disgust came a horrendous scream. At that noise two girls came running into thekitchen to know what on earth was happening. Which lead into Erin and I being tickled because we refused for them to see our monstrosity, let alone what would have been their lunch for tomorrow. They left but returned with re-inforcements. I wound up placing the pan on the floor with me on top so that none of the girls could see inside. As I sat their with a moist darier, I figured I was going to begin the meal over again since this turned out to be a disasterous experiment so I caved to the girls' demands and showed it to them. They just stood with their mouths wide open. Complete disgust was written across their forheads.

Last night I was highly cynical and bitter about the having to prepare another soup for 30 people again, but today...I know I will never forget that moment of ecstasy.

SwInE fLu

2009-11-11T13:57:00.000-08:00

Right now, our school is in the path of the dreaded swine flu. Students are dropping like flies and we have one confirmed case. The German government is threatening us with closing our doors for seven days. In our dorm at this moment there are only three, but I have a feeling there are several more that will become victims of this forboding illness. Please be praying that it is contained and stopped before it gets worse.

eMoTiOnS

2009-11-11T06:12:00.001-08:00

There have been so much bombarding me lately. Decisions, meetings, activities, girls, chores, errands... Life has just become a little overwhelming. It doesn't make me tire or frustrated with what I am doing, it just makes me think more about the purposes for why I am doing what I am doing. Why have I decided to travel half way around the world, live in a dorm with 20 high school girls, give up my independence, be far from family and friends, put life on hold? I then think about everything that Lord is doing and has done and I wonder if I am being selfish and allowing myself to become my focus rather than what the Lord has called me to do here...

That's where I am at...

B-bAlL

2009-10-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

Today I participated in an 3-on-3 basketball tournament. I had never done a team sport like that before. I did play soccer when I was five and I did play softball in 8th grade, but really...nothing containing as much contact. I really enjoyed myself, I wish we could have played more games. It made me want to go back and play other sports when I was young, but I did love gymnastics and cheerleading. My team lost two consecutive games. But I stayed an watch everyone else play. One of my girls, Kat, wound up winning the whole tournament. I was so PROUD!!!

a ChAnGe In TeMpErAtUrEs

2009-10-22T08:24:00.001-07:00

Where has October gone? I don't know, because I can't believe we only have one week left of this month. Well, it has begun to cool off and when I say cool off I mean the temperature dropped dramatically. Germany had been receiving temps in the low 80s and then all of a sudden it was literally freezing outside. We would wake up to frost and the feeling of staying in bed was a more viable option than braving the coldness of our rooms. What a shock to our system!

Otherwise things are going well over here. Nothing much to report here. O but we did have to fight off the inevitable lice. Thankfully we did not receive the gift but we fought it off with tea tree oil and heavy cleaning. Two out of the four girl dorms got it...

peace

A Pride and Prejudice Morning

2009-10-09T05:51:00.001-07:00

You know the morning at the end of the new Pride and Prejudice, the one where Elizabeth is contemplating the hope of a relationship in the future? Well, I wasn't contemplating something so dire, but the fog was laying low today and as I drove amongst the fading greens I could not but embrace the beauty and serenity around me. I was anxiously driving to pick up my seniors, who were returning from a week in Rome. I had not seen them for two weeks because I left the week before they left to go to the states. It was a sweet moment to experience as I crested through the heavy dew.

HoMe

2009-10-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

My physical home has been in a constant state of change for the past 5 and 1/2 years. I have not been in one location for longer than a period of 6 months. For me, I almost feel restless when I do not get up and move my roots. But then there is home in my heart, where all the people that have touched my life live. I take them everywhere with me. They move around everywhere I go and even when I am away and as I add people to this heart home, I feel a sense of my past with me and know they are still apart of where I am now. This is something I have had to realize since I have been in Germany. Home is with you always...

ClIcKs...

2009-09-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

It is that distant dread that everyone attempts to avoid, but at sometime in life we have all experienced it. We have all been either in one or out. We know the loneliness on the outside and the ignorance of the inside. CLICKS...they are inevitable, but can they be avoidable? I am asking myself that question. This year I have had a few girls mention the formation of clicks within our dorm as well as noticing them myself. I am at a loss for words because I can not change hearts. All I can do is create events, situations, activities that force the girls out of their own protective bubble. But the hard part is when the girls are not open to one another. This will be one of our greatest struggles this year. Pray for unity and that the Lord will bring our dorm to an understanding of one another.

hEaD cAsE

2009-09-18T01:26:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor today for a check-up on my head. I have not been as dizzy lately, but still do experience cases that are isolated to find a common thread in my dizziness. The doctor has referred me to get an MRI. He just wants to cover all his bases. I think that is wise and kind of him.

Not only physically is my head a mess, but I also, have just been up and down with emotions since I have been here. This year is so different. I have my good days and bad days. But I feel that is inevitable. But i must battle the insecurities and worries that go on in my head. I must remember that Satan has many tricks up his sleeve and is wanting to distract and dishearten me as often as possible. The greatest thought though that enters my mind is the faithfulness of God. Praise His HOLY Name!

ScArEd!!

2009-09-14T04:17:00.000-07:00

Last night I was sitting in the office working on the computer. I heard two people laughing so I turned in the swivel chair to see who was making the noise out the window. I didn't see anyone so I turned back to the computer. I few seconds later I heard the noise again and I finally saw two of my girls standing, staring at me through the window laughing. They said they had been there for a while. Then they left. I turned back to my work at the computer. A few moments later the girls popped their heads and screamed, causing me to squeal. It made me so happy that they kept scaring me!! So then I turned back to my work on the computer. A few minutes later there was a white sheet with a face made from tape and a sign that said, "Cara...BOO!" drifting down from the balcony above. I took a picture and it made me laugh so hard. As I entered my room later that evening I noticed my pillows had been rearranged; when I pulled them back I found the sign that said, "Cara...Boo!" It made me smile that they cared to continue with the scaring tactic!

ToNiGhT...

2009-09-11T04:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight is going to be a night to remember. Our dorm is having a dance off at our school's Fall Party. It will be the Beauties vs. the Geeks. The theme this year is opposites. It is a fun concept. Hopefully our girls just have fun with the performance and don't take themselves too seriously...

I'll let you know how it goes...

SaY a LiTtLe PrAyEr

2009-09-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

Just a little request for prayer. I asked the Lord, with complete awareness, as I was leaving to return back to BFA, to be tested with patience. I knew with full knowledge what that meant. I trusted in the fact that the Lord would test me. And right now I ask that you come alongside me in prayer that I will stand firm in embracing the patience to interact with others when situations and tensions are high.

Thanks

RuGbY and ChOo-ChOo

2009-09-07T01:14:00.000-07:00

This weekend was an event. All the boy dorms competed against one another in Rugby. It was brutally, hilarious. Our girls were like Switzerland. Why you may ask? Well, most of the girl dorms have a brother dorm, but due to our location we have no ties to any dorm, which means we can pick and choose who we want to connect ourselves with. It was really fun yelling..."Go boy dorm!!! I love neutrality!!" throughout the series of games. In the end, I didn't care who won. It was just fun going somewhere with the girls.

On Sunday we road this old fashion locomotive from Kandern to Wittlingen. It is a tourist train that runs during the warmer months. The conductors dress in their appropriate gear. In our car there was a man playing the trombone. It was a fun experience. Some of our girls were in their own pity moods, but I enjoyed myself. It was something that I had wanted to do ever since I heard the steam engine blare its horn at 8 in the morning on a Saturday.

FuNnY hApPeNiNgS

2009-09-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

First, yesterday I had to take one of my girls to the hospital because she was having knee pain. She already has had two knee surgeries and is planning on having one in two weeks. But the pain in her knee was so bad she could not walk so the nurses at our school wanted us to get an MRI. The nurses told me they made an appointment at the hospital since her normal doctor is on holiday and to just wait in the ER. So we went and told the ER secretary that we needed to see this particular doctor. She understood and told us to wait. We finally we were received by a doctor and he basically told us he could not do anything except prescribe some pain relievers. Then he proceeded to tell us that if we continued to have problems we must go see this other doctor in orthopedics. At this announcement my eyes grew wide because that was the doctor I thought we were talking to. As soon as we exited the room we went on a hunt for this mystery doctor. We finally found him on the third floor of the hospital. Lucky for us none of his nurses spoke English and did not understand us. Finally they brought in the doctor and he told us he could not do anything. He did not want to give her an MRI nor did he want to be another doctor on her list of doctors since she already intended to have a surgery soon. We left laughing . I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. O the story is not over yet, then I went to pick up her prescriptions. One of them they did not have because it was only at a particular apotheke (drugstore) about 30 minutes away. And then the other was ibuprofen (I mean really...we have those on tap in our dorm...ridiculous).

Okay, then this one just made me laugh. This morning the bus was waiting on two of our girls so I went to go get them girls. While I was on the way to her room the other girl had come down. She asked me in passing where everyone was. I said they were waiting on the bus. When I got to the other girl's room she exited immediately and the girl that I had passed immediately entered. She turned around and just looked at me with this complete puppy dog face. You know the one of complete peace, trust, and joy. I looked at her confused and asked her what she was doing. She looked at me and responded, "Aren't we all meeting up here?" I started laughing really hard and said everyone was on the bus. She started to laugh and run downstairs toward the bus. I guess it does not sound as funny, but I just had to share this moment.

LiTtLe PrAyEr

2009-09-03T04:52:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been feeling myself pulling away emotionally from the girls and my fellow staff members. I don't know if it is because I don't want to step on anyones toes or if by pulling away it will be easier to make a decision about next year without outside influences. Deciding about next year will be one of the hardest decisions I have had to make, at least to this point in my life. I know I am avoiding the inevitable, but I am coming to the realization that the Lord will bring forth a direction and I will follow where He leads. Amen! to the fact that I do not have to feel alone in this decision.

2009-08-30T23:42:00.001-07:00

Right now, I am wondering if girls are being sincere with me in the dorm. I feel like sometimes they will put on a front when I am around. And as soon as I turn my back they are saying all these other things. I actually heard of a case with one of my girls. I love sincerity. I would rather have someone be blatantly honest with me about their frustrations and discuss it with them and try to help the situation out, rather than never know what is really going on and never attempting to help them. It is hard to hear other staff ask me about problems they have heard and I do not have a response because I am unaware of what is going on.

Here is something to be praying about. We have several girls that are homesick. There is even one of our girls from last year, who dealt with extreme homesickness and is facing the same feelings again. But I came to realize, for her at least, it is not just being away, but culture shock. She is European and grown up in Switzerland her whole life. She is not used to the noisey, American mentality. She has not fully adjusted to the culture at BFA that supercedes our surrounding German neighbors. For her it is completely placing her out of her element. I had never understood those feelings until Saturday. Please pray for understanding and comfort. I feel utturly helpless in knowing how to help them deal with these feelings.

GiDeOn

2009-08-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

Life is perpetually changing here. During my sickness, I missed meetings as a whole BFA staff. One of the ladies in personnel, who happens to be my friend, got up and made a statement that challenged my perspective. Within the last two months and throughout the recruiting season many key people in the BFA community have dropped out, found other options, couldn't raise enough support, or just didn't feel like this was what the Lord was leading them towards after they committed. And now as crunch time approaches, the BFA community is feeling it more than ever. We are missing English teachers, RAs, Dorm Parents, Discovery teachers, Language teachers....the list goes on and on, but despite all these discouraging episodes she turned our attention to Gideon.

Last May I went to the prospective site of where Gideon may have brought his men. He brought his army to this location to be stretched unknowingly by God. He had already dwindled his army from 10s of thousands to thousands; and at this stream God called him to take one more step of faith and bring it down to sheer hundreds. In this moment, it was God calling Gideon to let Him have the glory and not himself. By Gideon clinging to a limited and weak army he had to trust that the Lord would bring the victory, not by his own army's strength.

We, as a BFA community, are, in our own way, experiencing that right now. With so many people not arriving and declining their previous intent...we are just left to hope that the Lord knows what He is doing. It is a beautifully, difficult thing to do. In the end, it will be FOR HIS GLORY!!!

wAiTiNg

2009-08-18T23:52:00.000-07:00

So much of life consists of waiting. Waiting to graduate, waiting to learn how to read, waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting for food to prepare, waiting to know where the Lord is leading, waiting for your 21 girls to arrive at your dorm. We have been discussing and planning for so long, the girls just need to get here. Sometimes it is hard to wait, but then I begin to think about everything we still have to get done; we are no where near ready. We are going to put the pedal to the floor the next few days so that when the students get here the dorm will be in order.
This summer two other dorms were being remodeled and built and are not even near finished...there is a lot of stress occurring over there. Remember to keep them in your prayers as they are feeling the weight of an unfinished dorm and all the expectations that are on their shoulders even though it is not their responsibility.

Life is good...and prayer is better!

AlMoSt DoNe

2009-08-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

Summer break is almost at a close. I have had a marvelous time catching up with family and friends. I was able to go on vacation and travel up to Hume. Now I am preparing for my best friend's wedding. I remember talking about this day in high school; wondering when, what it would be like, and who he would be. So the day is approaching fast and I still can't believe I am seeing it unfold right before my eyes.

Soon, the same feelings will envelope me as I have to board a plane and make that inevitable flight back to Germany. Don't get me wrong I am highly excited, but the good-byes that I must endure and the unknown of what the future holds is always daunting and makes for a little bit more of an uncertainty and doubt. And when I say doubt it doesn't mean that I think I shouldn't be in Germany, because I have never felt so called to a ministry, but being affected and knowing that you miss those back at home is difficult and makes you doubt the decisions one has made. Yet I can praise the Lord that He is directing and been continuously faithful in answering my prayers.

Please join me in prayer as a new year begins with new students, new challenges, and new adventures.

HoMe!!!

2009-06-20T00:16:00.000-07:00

It is so close I can taste it. I can't believe it is finally coming to the point that I am able to go home. Last year I was planning on staying till Christmas. For my own sake I am glad that did not pan out. I know this time at home will be hectic, but truly beneficial for my own mental state. Soon I will be hopping on a plane and making my way back to CALI!

Right now I am helping dog sit this American Pit Bull. She drools, eats horse pooh, is skiddish around humans, sheds, is hyper-active...and makes me appreciate my mom enduring our puppies while we were growing up. Thanks mom! It is like my view of children, I love them, but when I babysit I realize what hard work they are and am thankful for at this point that I do not have the responsibility of raising one.

BiRtHdAyS!!!

2009-06-13T03:20:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was my birthday! I worked in maintenance driving around. After work my friend, Sarah, had organized a little dinner with some friends. It was such a blessing to be with friends and get some MEXICAN food. I felt truly blessed. Even though I am far away I know the Lord is providing good friends over here for me. I feel very encouraged and loved. Thanks you Lord for being faithful in life...

WiThOuT kIdS

2009-06-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

The girls are gone and I am now residing in town at my friend's apartment. It is nice to be in a home rather than a massive empty dorm. But while I am waiting anxiously I am fighting a cold and doing back-breaking maintenance, which I can't complain, I do enjoy the physical labor. All in all, I am really excited to come home...I think that is my motivation. Actually that is not true. While I was working today I was thinking about the intense labor we were performing and I thought why am I doing this? I started sighting the Bible, "Do your work for the Lord rather than for men" was the verse that immediately struck me. I started directing my work and ethic towards that verse so that it would not be about just getting a job done, because I was told to but rather because I would be doing work that glorifies God!!

GoNe????

2009-06-06T04:52:00.001-07:00

They're gone. There is just a hollowness walking along the halls of our dorm. Yes, this is how the dorm feels like at the beginning of every break. But rooms are empty. There is not even a remnant of their existence in these rooms. They aren't coming back. Well, at least sixteen of them are not. I am left with just sitting here and reflecting on the year. But I don't want to...I am lying to myself saying "They are coming back", but I have to tell myself they are not. Hopefully it won't hit to hard when I actually accept this fact that so many have been apart of my life for a year and mean so much to me and are gone and I don't know when I will see them again.

LiFe?

2009-05-24T15:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever just sat and thought about nothing? Just watched the world float by as if there was nothing in it but you. Today I sat along the Amstel Canal in Amsterdam. Life just seemed to freeze. As all the Sunday afternoon boat riders steered their crafts through the polluted water I watched. I watched and knew life was worth more. Life was worth more than fitting an image; more than trying to suit others' wishes for myself; more than making a statement so that people can look at me. Then I began to walk. I knew at that very moment I was sauntering past women that were hidden behind red curtains, not knowing the hope and the boundless love that I know. Their lives hang in the balance on the lure they can exude and the revenue from their wares. I have come to understand the preciousness and tenderness of life. For me, as a believer I must figure out how to show this....to show this when I walk along the road, when I lie down and when I get up.

I tell people that my mind does not go a hundred miles a minute, but somewhere in the recesses of my mind I develop thoughts like this where living for Christ is worth more than any luxury cruise down a canal or my next paycheck. Within all this rambling lies the question: how can I live life abundantly for Him?

SoMeThInG nEw

2009-05-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

I have been realizing lately that people that I depend on will not be here next year. Certain people in our dorm I have been able to depend on to help me in tasks and fill in when I forget or just did not know about something. I have come to the shocking realization that I can not expect that sort of ability any more. Soon they will not be here anymore and I will have to be conscious by myself of these sort of things. I have tended to use that as a crutch. I am trying to be more intentional and aware of the times I need to step in and do things so I can begin implementing those tasks or planning for next year. Preparation for the future without these certain people is key...I just didn't think it would be so soon.

CrAzInEsS!!!!

2009-05-08T01:56:00.000-07:00

I wonder when life will slow down....I feel like it is a whirlwind and we are just perpetually moving without any coherency. I know our girls are wanting a break. I know I am wanting a break. I know everyone on staff is wanting a break. Patience is wearing thin on most people's parts. Last night our dorm was chaos. Girls were just trying to get away from things; tensions were high; and there were many things we had to get done. I want to enjoy this time, but I also don't like the frustrations that arise. But I guess you have to take the good with the bad.

SpRiNg Is SpRiNgInG!

2009-04-25T02:06:00.000-07:00

The other day I was sitting in our school's auditorium listening to a few of my girls perform classical pieces to an adjudicator for their end of the year review. As they were playing my eyes kept drifting outside to peer at the aspen tree through the huge paned window. The tree swayed to the lull of the music as gold accented its movements. A person could not help but feel a warmness spread throughout their body as the musical piece played on.

On my drive home, mustard, cotton candy, emerald, snow, grape hues exploded along every twist and turn in the road. Trees are blossoming with hope for fruitfulness; blades of grass are swishing in the breeze offering a sense of freedom; the dome of crystal clear ocean makes room for the piercing sun. Everything about spring has reached its apex. No one could deny the beauty...even if you do have allergies. Lets just say I know why people endure the bleakness of winter...to embrace the newness of spring.

TrAcKiNg: AfRiCaN sTyLe!

2009-04-14T14:27:00.000-07:00

I AM BACK...it was such a good trip. The first week I was a typical tourist; the second I was immersed in a traditional Zambian family (well traditional may be a loose term). But anyways, while I was there I was able to check three things off my goals in life...1) see Victoria Falls (one of the natural seven wonders of the world), 2) go on an African safari, and 3) eat a messy meals with my hands. This adventure was unreal. We tracked a lion in the bush. We followed him for about a half an hour and were about 10 feet away from him. We saw hippos, hyenas, zebras, elephants, giraffes, lionesses, antelope, baboons, crocodiles, and so much more. I loved that we got to camp. Being able to just sit and listen to all the noises that were taking place in the jungle was something I will never forget.
This experience was at times definitely out of my comfort zone. Throughout my time there the Zambians kept asking me what was the difference between Germany and Zambia...WOO, where do I begin. How can you compare such different places. Germany is an orderly, rule driven society; one the other hand Zambia has a free spirit about it. Yes, there is poverty, but the people are very friendly and share the little they have.
I think I talked more politics on this trip than every before in my entire life. We discussed everything and anything that dealt with refugees, the wars taking place in Africa, the relief efforts from the other nations, what it will take to free Africa from this cycle of impoverished natives, the elections, the lack of drive of the Zambian people have to reduce their 80% unemployment due to the foreign aid they constantly receive. I read articles, books, talked to passionate workers, Zambians...I think my head grew a few inches because of all the knowledge I obtained.
I had many men propose to me. Some man told me he would die for me...that is something I had never heard before, but he was at the top of my list after that statement. One man told Chris he wanted "to use me". Dirty man. Whites in their culture are held with high regard. We are walking money symbols...even if we are poor missionaries.

All in all, it was so fun getting to see how Chris lived. I respect him so much for being able to endure living the way he does. The house was crawling with insects...I got bed bugs...I beheaded a chicken...I bathed in a bucket...but Chris has been able to live in this, while remaining sane. I do not believe I could handle that with as much poise as he has. But the thing that is shocking is that people live in that environment their entire lives and know nothing else.
Well, this sounds like a pity party...but it was truly an experience and I will go back to Africa someday...there are a lot more adventures to be had and a lot more people to encounter...

Nope Haven't Left Yet...

2009-03-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the big day! But I just thought I should tell you that one of our girls is leaving the dorm. She is way behind in her school work. We have tried so many different tactics to help her bring her grades up and allow her to get life in order. For her, life is just so jumbled that she has not been able to keep up or focus on the things she needs to get done to finish her senior year; so her mom is moving to Kandern to help her finish. It is a good thing for her sake, but it is hard to know that her mom has had to leave the mission field to help her daughter. Yet maybe that is the only thing that will get her through this time. Just pray for our seniors to be able to keep up their grades and graduate...that is weary on their minds.

3 MoRe DaYs

2009-03-25T03:37:00.001-07:00

Great NEWS!!! I got my new digital camera today! I am super excited because now I can use it when I go to Africa. I am going on a two day safari and I plan to take many pictures. Also, we are going to see Victoria Falls. Both Victoria Falls and a safari are on my "goals to accomplish in life" list. Then for the rest of the time I will be seeing what my friend Chris has been up to since August. I am excited to experience Zambian life and also to see what kind of dreams I get from my Malaria pills. I have heard that people get very vivid dreams due to the malaria pills. That makes me nervous, but it comes with the experience.

Lately, I have just been feeling really young and immature compared to everyone I am working with. Maybe it is my Californian mentality of "go with the flow", but I just feel like I am being looked down upon because I am younger. But once again it is a fleeting feeling; and I just need to recognize that it is only a feeling and not truth (Someone wise once taught me that...my mom).

Pray for safe travels...and some time to recoup from this crazy semester.

CoUnTdOwN...

2009-03-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

The countdown begins. The countdown towards spring break; towards a refreshment; towards AFRICA;towards seeing my good friend, Christopher Taylor;towards a new outlook on life. I have not had a weekend off in six weeks and I am just getting a little tired. I mean I know the Lord is consistently providing me the energy and strength that I need each day, but a little break will be nice!
Lately, I have been seeing the Lord teaching me about watching my tongue. I was actually visualizing how the tongue can be used to praise the Lord and then how it turns around and is used to criticize people and tear people down. I know that sounds weird, but picture what damage that can do. Also, I was looking at the freedom of choice the Lord gives us and how often I misuse this gift...how often do I choose things of this world rather than pursuing the Creator and choosing His love?
Please pray for protection through my travels and that my eyes are open to what the Lord has before me.
O...also I get to see Ellie McElroy this week. Ellie is one of my mom's dearest friends. She is visiting a student she had living with her and her husband. I am really excited.

LiFe Is SwEet!

2009-03-13T06:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was getting very cynical, sick, and focusing so much on things at home that I was missing, rather than looking at the positive in my circumstances. Then all of a sudden I decided to get out of bed and start writing letters. I came to the realization that as soon as I got my eyes off myself I was able to find the joy in life and appreciate more the opportunities the Lord has provided for me. That was a good moment!

This last weekend we went to Nuremberg for the BFA's high school retreat. Everyone stayed in a castle with a wall that surrounded a portion of the city. In World War II, this was Hitler's prime Nazi city. He had been building structures to represent the Nazi's glory. They were created in such a way to make its members feel like they were apart of something big, but realize how minor they were in comparison.

Truly it was an amazing retreat. I was partnered with a dorm mom and a small group of girls. Seeing how she challenged these girls was encouraging. She definitely challenged me. Through this experience I came to realize how much I enjoyed working behind the scenes aspect of this sort event. Hume has showed me that. Camp offered me this area of involvement; it was a place to serve those and minister but in a capacity I felt more comfortable with and more effective than being the one entertained.

Well, we only have two more weeks till spring break...pray for all our girls that are going on missions trip and that we will be able to make it till then.

tImE fLiEs

2009-02-24T13:14:00.001-08:00

I can't believe it is already the end of February. I know that it may not seem like time is flying by, but here it feels like warp speed. Last night, we had our famous couples night. Each girl chooses a famous duo or couple and then their friend decides a options of dates. Then we, as the RA staff, call the boys. We tell them what to dress up as and then they come. It is all a surprise. It was fun. All the students were so creative, but of course it had the awkwardness because some of the boys were just lame about it all. No offense men, but think back in high school when you were too cool; we had a few of those. That is what I love about my girls...they are not ashamed to go all out for things like that. They are known for their ability to have fun and truly enjoy experiences. But anyways, I was Pam from the Office...how original, I know...this was actually my second time being Pam this year. No more for me.

The other weekend I went to Garmisch. Garmisch is an international army base. One of my girl's mom lives there. It is probably the most beautiful place I have been since I have arrived in Germany. It had just snowed and has one of the largest peaks in all of Europe. We went the the Cinderella Castle!!! It made me think of Disneyland. It is always refreshing to stay in a home; we also were able to purchase American food on the base!! I was too overwhelmed that all I bought was floss and some triscuits...big spender, I know. I had great ambitions, but I wussed out.

Pray at ALL TIMES!!

2009-02-12T04:10:00.001-08:00

I would like to ask your prayer for one of our dorms. In the past 7months, the staff at Sonne, one of our boy dorms, have had fourmembers of their staff of six have life threatening accidents. Theirfemale RA was hit by a log truck, the dorm mom had a horrific bikingaccident, one of the male RAs was basically mauled by a lawn mower,and just this week another male RA's room was lite on fire. We alsodiscovered that the landlord is a proclaimed witch. This isn't a timeto fear, but a time to seek the Lord for protection. Satan isattacking because he knows the work of the Lord that is going on inthis area. He is fearful, but he knows the Mighty work of our God. Iask for you to pray for all our dorms, especially Sonne. God is ourFortress and our Help in times of trouble...Please be praying with us.thanks,Cara

CoNtInUiNg To BrEaThE

2009-02-06T06:37:00.001-08:00

Each day is full of its own surprises. Each day there is a new problem that requires a solution or patience to endure till something can change. This week with my girls was so fun! There was a SNOW DAY on Monday so I spent the whole time hanging out with them and they really encouraged me through their words and leaving presents the next day of how much it meant to them that I stayed with them on my day off. I could not have imagined doing anything else. I really felt like that time was used to further my relationships with the girls and the Lord totally used it to bless me!

On the other hand, one of my closest friends here really did something bad to his ankle. I have been helping when I can, but I would just pray for it to heal quickly and the doctors figure out what he did. Also, for his dorm staff who are already short staffed. Allow them all to work together and see how to pick-up the slack in some areas that he can't normally do.

Also, the plague (AKA any illness that sweeps through BFA and leaves numerous kids home sick from school) is beginning to strike. Pray that we are able to combat all those evil germs from the immune systems of our girls.

Love and Peace

Slighlty dEtAiNeD

2009-01-28T05:03:00.000-08:00

Sounds weird I know, but lately I have just been really distracted or maybe just disinterested in the life here. Don't get me wrong...it is not in regards to my girls are dorm life. I just feel like I am wanting to do so many things that I don't know how to pick and choose so instead I am not taking action to do any of them. It is just that time of the year where I want to be everywhere and do everything, but there is only one of me.

So I don't know if you heard the news but my girls toilet papered me!!! It was AWESOME!!! I think I am the only person in the world who would think that was them showing me love. I juest felt like the knew me well enough to actually think about me and care enough to know I would not get upset. And then when I can home from my first weekend off they had connected all my underwear together and written all over my mirror and toilet with dry-erase maker!! Once again I laughed hysterically and loved every minute of it.

Nothing is really going on here...I am teaching gymnastics and tumbling for two weeks for one of the PE classes. I enjoy it, but it is also hard because I realized that I have lost a lot of what I had spent 14 years of my life doing....so yeah that is hard to handle, but now I am just more motivated to get it back!!!

Thanks again for praying for me!

Back to the Basics....

2009-01-13T06:52:00.000-08:00

It is the first day back with all of the girls. I come back looking forward to what this semester has in store. I want to be aware of the opportunities that the Lord provides; I don't want to lose sight of girls that need someone to invest in them. There is so much on my mind, rather than being focused here. My mind feels cluttered and distracted, which is not how I want to feel as I enter this new stage of relationships with my girls. I just ask for your prayer.

But yesterday was probably the longest day of the year....I woke up to join all my fellow staff members at a breakfast. Before that ended I was taken back to my dorm to receive girls that were already arriving. I sat in our dorm office from about 11am till, literally, 4 pm, went on a walk with one of my girls, and then went back into the office/kitchen to do a little food prep. Lets just say it was a long day. And then even once we had all the girls in bed, we stayed up waiting for two more girls to arrive. YES, it was a draining day, in a very non-physical way, yet it was sooooo blessed. These girls just add so much to life here!!!

vIsItOr FrOm AfAr!!!

2009-01-07T12:04:00.000-08:00

My mom has been here for over a week now!!! It has truly been a blessing. I really do not wish for her to leave, but everything good has to come to an end, right? We were prancing around London for five days. We saw Trafalgar Square, the Tower of London, the Globe Theater, St. Paul's Cathedral, Kensington Palace, Buckingham Palace, Les Miserables, a classical concert at St. Martin's-on-the-Green, fireworks on New Year's Eve at the London Eye. Lets just say we tried to see everything there was to see. And now we are in Germany, continuing our adventures.

It is odd to have a stranger come and invade my new world. It is not a bad odd, but it is a different odd. I have enjoyed sharing this world and been able to enlighten my mom to the routine and surroundings I experience on a daily basis. She now has a reference point for what I talk about.

My girls are coming back really soon!!! I have missed them greatly and feel that without them here...it is pointless. I cherish the joy they bring to my life and the moments that I see God in them. I was able to see a few of my girls over the break just for a short period of time, but I can't wait to have their noise in the dorm again and feel like I am here for a purpose rather than just sitting around and waiting.

Grace and Peace!!!

AlOnE aT cHrIsTmAs

2008-12-25T14:31:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share a moment with you about this Christmas...

Being away from home sounds really frightening around the holidays. Let me tell you it is a little daunting, but this Christmas I was able to enjoy myself despite the distance from family and friends. Today I went running...I made a wrong turn, up this huge hill. But once I started I would not allow myself to stop. As I crested the hill the ground was lightly powdered in white flecks of snow. It was my first white Christmas experience!!! It was such a blessing and a moment that God and I were able to share on Christmas!! Just wanted to share with you that special moment!

For my Christmas festivities I went over for brunch with fellow RAs and watched a Christmas episode of the office and for supper I went to my supervisors house and we celebrated with fellow single members of the BFA community!!! It truly was a good Christmas.

SnOw OfFeRs A lItTlE wOnDeR!

2008-12-17T04:29:00.000-08:00

"Sleigh bells ring, are you listening, in lane snow is glistening. Its a beautiful sight, I am happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland. Walking in a Winter Wonderland!" I may seem so fixated on this idea of snow, but I have never had so much snow where I have lived in my entire life. I woke up this morning and it had begun to snow, so I went running. I was covered. Now I look out my window about 4 hours later and I would say that we have about 5 inches. It has not snowed in Wittlingen more than once a year...it has already snowed for at least 5 days this winter!!! Now I am dreaming of White Christmas!!

Our girls leave on Saturday...sad day, but at the same time I am ready for a little break from the tasks...not the girls...the tasks!!! I also am going to watch a Golden Retriever dog over the break while my mom is here!! I am so excited. All we will be missing is my dad...and then it would feel like home (let me clarify...my house home, no offense to everyone else who doesn't live in the house).

So until then...Let it Snow, Let is Snow, Let it Snow!!!!

ReAlIzAtIoNs

2008-12-10T11:27:00.000-08:00

Smaller is better; less chaos ensues and it better enables us as a staff to function, as well as, provides more intimate relationships with the girls. I have begun to realize the times we have smaller groups of girls in the dorm we are able to keep better track and even interact better. I understand why the dorms have to have so many students, but I wish there was a way to enable smaller amounts of students, which helps everyone's sanity.

But on the other hand life is winding down over here. The semester is almost complete, which means finals, which means papers, which means lack of sleep, which means sickness, which means crabby girls, which means even more homesickness. At the same time we, as a school, are going to a Christmas market in Freiburg, a city near us. It will be a fun excursion for everyone!

I hope all is well...

Remember When

2008-11-29T14:33:00.000-08:00

Remember when getting ready would literally take hours; remember when you were frightened that you would pin your date when putting on the boutonniere; remember when you feared spilling your drink on yourself and ruining your dress; remember when you would complain because the heels you "just had to have" were hurting so bad; remember when you kept pulling on your dress because it would slip down and you would feel awkward...

O I got to relive those moments tonight. BFA had their Christmas Banquet. It is equivalent to high school dances, but there is no dancing... that is "BFA unapproved". So instead they pay for dinner and a program including Christmas wishes being granted and performances by students. Kate Jones, a junior in my dorm, was voted on the court. It was a night of fun times with new friends, but also a time to reminisce on the past. You will never get to experience high school again and sometimes I truly wish I could go back and embrace everything that I felt back then. It was a great time in life that I truly appreciate!

God's Good....

2008-11-21T23:43:00.001-08:00

Today I woke up from the weirdest dream. It took place in my dorm. Within the dream I just saw spiritual warfare...I know that sounds strange and scary, but it is something my dorm staff has discussed throughout the beginning of this year. Prior to BFA acquiring our dorm it was used by a group of Hitler Youth from WWII, so we know that Satan, at least at one point, was alive and well in this place. But then I woke up from my dream and looked out my window. It had snowed. The beauty and serene white gave me a sense of peace that the Lord was with me and not going to leave my side. That is what I am constantly reminded of since I moved here. When I am weak, He is strong...when I want to get depressed and hide in a corner, He brings me joy. It is a beautiful moment and experience with God.
Thank you for your prayers....

Weekend Chaos...

2008-11-17T23:54:00.000-08:00

My weekend started off with three hundred individuals coming to see our dorm. My dorm was decorated like a little kid's playhouse. We had a tea party, play-do, looney tunes, a fort, a dress-up corner...the whole dynamics of living like a little kid.
And if that wasn't stressful enough I had to make Thanksgiving dinner. I was in charge of making some pies and the green bean casserole and other necessities to make dinner successful. Talk about pressure. But I will be ready to volunteer my expertise when I come home!!!
And then after church on Sunday I received an email from my mom asking what items she would like me to grab from my room because there were fires near my home. It was so surreal. I would never had thought to receive an email like that. It just made me really think what was improtant to me and what truly mattered. Praise the Lord for his protection over my family. But I pray for those who I know that have lost everything.
May that Lord bless you this week....

Different Strokes

2008-11-11T00:18:00.000-08:00

So as my time here progresses it is getting harder and harder to be away from family and friends. Yes, I am forming relationships; yes, I am traveling and seeing the sights of Europe; yes, I love my job; and yes, I know the Lord has me here. But in the end, it does not take away the fact that I miss myfamily, friends that I don't have to explain myself to, the beach, and the comforts of home.
The seasons are changing and with that means less time with the sun and communion with nature : ). Our girls have been busy preparing for our open house this coming up weekend. We have, basically all the school over and entertain them for the evening. We are celebrating Thanksgiving this coming up Sunday. Maybe we can try to find a football game to watch; that would make me feel right at home!!!
Besides that I went to Prague!! Probably one of my favorite cities I have been to. I loved how small it was. I was able to just walk and walk and I just happened to run into everything I wanted to see there. I even went to a Tex Mex restaurant. O, how I miss Mexican food.
But besides that many things have stayed the same. Monotony can be nice, but at the same time...I like change. Sometimes after I drop the girls off at school or something, I will drive home a different way just so I do not have to go home the same way I came. I know weird, but it helps the monotony to subside.
I hope all is well....please let me know how you are doing. I would greatly appreciate it.

Too Soon for Goodbyes...

2008-10-25T00:37:00.001-07:00

This morning I had to take one of my girls to the airport. She headed to Russia to join her family. She came to BFA thinking she would have to leave Russia every three months because that is the only visa her family could get. But after she was here for a month they were able to receive a year long visa so she decided to go home. For me it was bitter sweet. She had added such a diminsion to the school and to the dorm. Everyone felt comfortable around her and she just accepted everyone for who they were. There will be a large void for a long while...
This morning was just hard realizing that these goodbyes are going to cut deep. That I may never see these girls again but I must invest in their lives and teach them who the Lord desires them to be. As we all said our tearful goodbyes, looking into Anna's eyes as she walked through security I knew that she meant the world to me, that each relationship that I make here is going to hurt, and every goodbye is going to keep cutting deeper and deeper into my heart. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

Just Can't explain it...

2008-10-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking lately about how to explain life here; how to communicate to everyone back at home what my job entails. Mostly, it is just emotionally draining rather than physically. We are in charge of making sure the girls are performing well in school, not staying up too late, understand community living, enforce rules, sustain healthy awareness of how to live...the list could go on and on. Everyday I wake up amazed at where I am and what I am doing. This is just such a different mentality of serving than anything I have ever done. Sometimes I have to check myself and remember my purpose and what the Lord has called me here to do.
On a lighter note...I went to Paris last weekend. I fulfilled my Parisian dream of seeing the Eiffel Tower at night!!! We went all over Paris, including Paris Disney...I needed a little touch of Orange County. The family we stayed with were amazing!! They made us homemade breakfasts and dinners. I love the French baguette...there is no fat in them...I could eat them all day long.
Till we meet again....

Sweetly Surprised

2008-10-04T03:10:00.000-07:00

This weekend our Seniors and Juniors are on trips so we have just been able to relax with our underclassmen. Every week the Lord brings little moments that I am just blessed by. The other day our one freshman and I made a faceshake...not a handshake but a handshake with our faces. Even though there are times when I feel like I am not making a difference or having a purpose, the Lord always makes me look at the bigger picture and the needs of the girls around me. That is something I constantly desire to seek: to be consistently aware of what the needs of the girls around me are and how I can help.

Last week I went to a castle nearby and this next weekend I am either going to Paris or Venice...what a hard life I have. It is crazy to think that I am in another country. The beauty that surrounds me is endless and every day a new pleasant surprise.

Thanks again for your support....

Figuring It All Out!

2008-09-19T03:45:00.001-07:00

Well now I have been here for two whole weeks. What a weird thought. The first week seems forever ago. Honestly, I have a very loose schedule with what I need to get done. I clean, cook, do laundry, chauffer, and spend quality time with our girls. It is heartbreaking to see them miss their families and be able to nothing for them. All we have are prayers and time. Tonight we have our Fall Fest...it is the Black and White Affair...I am dressing up as a Panda Bear!!! I also am taking my driving test today. I have never been on the autobahn so hopefully I will pass. I am still trying to fiind where I fit into the dorm setting. I know the personalities and things my fellow staff members offer to the girls, but I am just figure where I belong within our mix. So that is one thing I am proccessing. I love running here...there are a lot of hills, but the view is breath-taking!!! I can complain. I miss you all..Thanks for checking up on me.

FINALLY HERE!!!

2008-09-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

As I walked out of baggage claim with three large pieces of luggage on a rolly cart that you have to push the handle down to maneuver. I handed my passport the to Swiss police as he nonchalantly glanced at my photo and nodded me on through. As I walked through the mechanical doors a giant scream breaks through my senses. An uproar of gangstas cheering from my peripheral catches me off guard. It was my staff and chicas picking me up on a traditional rainy evening in Basel, Switzerland.

So far my experience has been marvelous. The girls and my staff have been so gracious and welcoming. My first official day I went to Budenfest...booth festival and ate traditional German food. The next day was my day off and I went into Basel again...to see if I could buy items I needed. Following that me and some of the my fellow male RAs bought frozen dinners and went to a family's house, that we know from training in Canada. It has been such a whirlwind, but a blessing. I can't even explain the beauty that surrounds me. They love there gardens and everything is lush.

Keep me in your prayers...I know it is not this simple.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

2008-09-04T17:45:00.000-07:00

Wow the day has finally come to say I am leaving...well actually I am leaving tomorrow, but I figured this would be my chance to write before I leave. I came home from Hume and only had three days to adjust, pack, revitalize, and say good-bye to everything familiar. At home I saw many faces and got to do many things I wanted to do. It is so weird to think that I won't be back for a while. The next time I am back Layne (my cousin) will have a baby, we'll have another President, Hume '09 will have passed, and the Angels will have won another world series (or at least that is what I am hoping for!! ). A lot of things will have changed but so many things will have stayed the same...one thing that I always know will be consistent is the fact that I have a home where family and friends still love me!!! Pray for safe travels!!!

I GOT NEWS!!!

2008-08-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

I just got news about where I am going to be living and who I am working with!!! I am living in the dorm Wittlingen. My dorm parents are Brant and Laura McGlothlin. And I am so blessed to be working with two girls that I am associated with, Rachel Hosan and Sam Christanssen. It really lightens a burden, but at the same time it adds more questions and thoughts to what is going to happen. It is official...I have a place to live and work!!! CRAZY!!

Praise Him In This Storm

2008-08-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

I love the fact that our journey is never easy. I love how we must face the day when life feels overwhelming or draining. The other day I went to chapel to hear the high school band lead worship. In that moment I became emotional just realizing that I can still praise the Lord when I feel so stressed and burdened because the Lord is ultimately in control and I need to let Him have that control. Next Tuesday, I am going home for the day to organize some items so that I can ship them to Germany. I still have not raised all my support but I am trusting and taking that step of faith. I am looking forward to seeing my family...it will be a really intimate time with them!!!

Knowing God is Faithful

2008-07-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

As support comes in slowly I know that the Lord is providing. He has given me moments of peace, but also moments of uncertainty. My heart is clinging to my family and friends I am leaving behind, but has wide open arms to latch onto the adventure that awaits me. I am up at camp wondering if this is all real. Or if I am just going to wake up from a dream and realize I am still a junior in college and have to re-live it all over again. Right now, I ask for pray for peace and a confidence that can only come from the Lord...I know He is faithful and in the end if everything works out it will be of Him.

Waiting on the Lord

2008-07-21T14:06:00.001-07:00

Raising support is probably one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. But every time I begin to doubt what is going on He proves Himself. Just last week I was starting to get anxious about everything and one random day I met a teacher who has been working at BFA for the last five years. So random, especially because I was up at Hume Lake. Not only that but her parents offered to help support me. It just showed me that the Lord was ultimately in control and going to provide at all times.

Overwhelming Week

2008-06-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

So this past week was insane. We had an outbreak of the stomach flu at camp. Campers and staff were dropping like flies. The Lord is definitely keeping me safe and healthy. But I came to the realization today that I have not thought about Germany at all. I have just been so overwhelmed with what is going on at Hume that I have not spent any time preparing for Germany. That right now is my greatest fear. I want to actually be able to process and prepare myself in every possible way for Germany. Just continue to be praying for health, focus, and financial support.

Just The Beginning

2008-06-22T14:04:00.000-07:00

So I just came back from my first experience with the people I will be working while I am overseas. I feel a little overwhelmed with everything I have to do before I leave, which working at camp does not make it less stressful. But I am truly enjoying my time at Hume and would not change it for the world. I just want you to know that I will be keeping you updated with my life events through this site. I felt like it was the most efficient way to keep you informed of my hectic life!! Thanks for your prayers...